Did you see that? The total lack of blowups, old grievances, strained silences, drama, or games? Just four people enjoying each others' company? Did I mention that Mark's parents are divorced and were perfectly comfortable having dinner and spending two hours in a car together just being good friends and their son's parents?
It still blows my mind sometimes that a family can just... enjoy each others' company without underlying unease or some hidden agenda, without navigating the minefield of old resentments and perceived slights, without inevitable fights and long Why You Suck speeches spoken into seething, miserable silence. It's even more foreign to my experience that Mark's divorced parents have a better relationship with each other than many married couples, including my own parents when Mom was alive.
I know intellectually that this is how emotionally mature and stable people behave, and that you get these lovely and peaceful times with family when the family members have no psychological trapdoors ready to be tripped by anything and everything, when they genuinely love and care for each other and can control themselves. I know all this, but experiencing it for real is still so weird sometimes. I also suspect Mark's parents are more stable and adjusted than most people, given how rare amicable divorces can be.
And the fact that I fit so neatly into these dynamics, that I'm not causing any cracks in these family times or dragging anyone down, helps me see that, hey, I'm actually pretty normal, too. That helps me get away, little by little, from the sense of wrongness and brokenness that was instilled in me from childhood on. My dad always said I, or my brother, or our mom, was the problem and he was fine. Well Dad, guess who fits right into a perfectly normal family evening? This bitch!
My father, of course, in his self-serving gaslit reality thinks Mark's family is somehow dysfunctional and oppressive. Yeah, if being at peace, surrounded by caring and stable people, constitutes oppression, then I'll take it. Maybe my senses are all out of whack or I'm lying as my dad constantly accuses me of doing, but I like this a whole lot better than what I had with my birth family.
Being part of a stable, caring family is actually a thing. I'm not messing up anything by being here, I get along with everyone and I'm a good, stable person myself. I'm really okay, despite a lifetime of being told I am a fundamentally flawed person who makes others unhappy. I'm going to bring my own child up in a happy and functional family, and my kid will have a super-loving and gentle dad who will model the supportive, secure family life that still seems so strange to me.
All this is overwhelming at times, even after three and a half years of a blissfully happy marriage. I could get used to this. Just give me time.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/70165.html
- Current Mood: thankful
- Current Music:Raury - God's Whisper
And look, it's perfectly valid to want to have a museum in Poland that records and commemorates the suffering of the Polish people during WWII, which was indeed considerable with an estimated 5.7 million citizens perishing in the German occupation and 150,000 in the Soviet Occupation, including 90% of Poland's Jewish citizens. Nobody is saying the Polish people and government should not have a place for the atrocities they suffered.
That said, it is entirely unnecessary for the government to scrap the plans for a museum that tells the story of the war as one of human suffering across borders. That's not a case of "I want my story told," it's "I don't want your story told and I will use my governmental powers to stop it from being told."
This is what happens when people who don't give a damn about our common humanity gain control of historical records and institutions. These are the people who see history as nothing but a tool of propaganda for their own power and self-aggrandizement. I'm not surprised that this sort of thing happens elsewhere (and just in case Yanks want to get all smug, your history textbooks and curricula are a mess, too), I'm just disappointed that our bad habits are so reliably universal.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/69859.html
- Current Location:Gdansk, Poland
- Current Mood: depressed
- Current Music:Mazurek Dąbrowskiego
I've mentioned my love of Steven Universe briefly before. I'll be here forever if I start talking about everything I love about it, and others have written excellent reviews that you can check out if you're curious.
One of the things I love about the show is the music, and there are a lot of great ones. Lately I find myself bursting into song with the number from the episode "Sadie's Song." It's short, as Steven Universe songs tend to be, but it's current and catchy; it wouldn't feel out of place spilling out of a storefront. The above is the original version, and you can see variations from the show here (spoilers for the episode "Sadie's Song").
Along with the bouncy tune, I love the lyrics' unabashed revelling in fame and fortune, the validation and vindication of success. It reminds me of the What Do I Want? soliloquy from the graphic novel Artesia in its celebration of a woman's worldly ambitions. It's such a comfort at a time when I'm going through the grind myself in hopes of uncertain rewards.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/69551.html
- Current Location:Beach City
- Current Mood: cheerful
- Current Music:Haven't You Noticed (I'm a Star)
The main body of the community is private so members can comfortably discuss projects in progress, but there are regular public posts where prospective members can comment. After a month of commenting on the public posts you can message me to apply for membership, and if accepted by the current membership (which will be the usual outcome if you were fairly regular about commenting and interacted politely with the existing members) you become a full member and gain access to the main community. You can read the membership policy here and start commenting on any of the available public posts at the community at large.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/69339.html
- Current Mood: mellow
Different theories on the location of Nakrang: Most South Korean scholars (green), North Korean scholars (blue), so-called "irregular" scholars, i.e. JiPHs (red)
The JiPHs' argument, as always, is total baloney. The historical and most crucially the archeological evidence points to Nakrang being on the peninsula, around what is now Pyeongyang, North Korea. (Green area of map above) The JiPHs, however, insist that Nakrang was in modern China to the west of the Liao River (Red area of map) because Reasons because Korea wasn't centered on the Korean peninsula we were a continental power dammit and the Chinese could never have had a presence on the Korean peninsula and it's colonialist to say otherwise and wahhhhh why are their dicks so small.
That's their entire thing, that ancient Korea has to have been a continental power, no, a continent-spanning empire in order for our history to have any worth, the evidence must only be interpreted to support this conclusion, and any scholarship that says otherwise is imperialist treason to the Korean people and ughhhh I feel slimy just typing this wanky nonsense.
Like mainstream historical scholars tend to, I've regarded the JiPHs with amused tolerance because I assumed they were harmless though annoying cranks. But now, realizing they can get valuable, serious research shut down with their pseudoacademic crap and get members of the national legislature on their side, I realize they are a serious threat and need a stompdown.
This gives me more incentive than ever to finish and publish my novel which places Nakrang, obviously, squarely in the Korean peninsula where it belongs. I want with all my heart for this novel to gain enough influence that the idea of Nakrang in Pyeongyang becomes popularized and the JiPHs can only scream and cry while their "theory" goes down the toilet where it belongs. That's not the only JiPH sacred cow I'm slaughtering, so may their cryfest be bitter and long.
And sure, if that happens they'll start their usual campaigns of smears and harassment, tactics that people with actual proof and logic on their side don't have to resort to. And you know what? Bring it. I am so ready for these liars and cowards. They have gone too far and this means war.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/68926.html
- Current Mood: infuriated
A recent set of comments made some particularly irrational pro-Zutara claims that I had great fun kicking apart. Here are some of the lowlights:
5. Zutara is more popular!
"Yes, Zutara is popular. In fact, a recent buzzfeed poll concluded that Zutara is more popular than Kataang by 53% to 47%."
Um, why are you making the very argument that I started my original post with? I'm not sure why the anon thought this factoid would somehow be a revelation to me when I explicitly started my post by referencing the popularity of Zutara and set out to try to explain it.
4. The voice actors and my brother like Zutara
"Oh, and in case you didn't know, BOTH of the voice actors for Zuko and Katara, Dante Basco and Mae Whitman, ship Zutara."
"Pfft, my ten year old brother assumed that Zuko and Katara were lovers."
And the creators of a show called Avatar: The Last Airbender ship Kataang? And also that's the actual canon? The above seems to be some kind of misguided attempt at arguing from authority, but "other people like my ship" isn't a particularly compelling argument for why I should like it and I don't care whether these other people are the creators, actors, or some random fan. Here's a radical idea: How about we each ship what we like without trying to use "Well these other people like this pair!" as an argument for or against.
3. Zuko and Katara are like each others' parents, yay Zutara! But Katara and Aang are like siblings, boo Kataang.
"I definitely see Katara as the type to nurture [Zuko] the way his own mother once had. . . . I don't mean this to be weird, either. Logically speaking, we prefer to find mates with similar qualities our own parents carried. He'd see the warmth she has, and Katara sees the determination in his eyes her own father bears."
This might not be so bad in itself, though it is vaguely creepy, except the anon also said this in their prior post:
"[The anon's ten-year-old brother] thought Aang was [Katara's] brother."
So let me get this straight. Someone reminding you of your mom or dad means sexytimes forevar, but being mistaken for siblings is a death knell to romantic chemistry? Can the anon actually, I don't know, read their own words?
I also take this comment a little bit personally, seeing how my husband and I have been mistaken for siblings. (I'm also older and taller than my husband, so yes I may have a horse in this racemumblemumble) We dated for four years and have been married for three, and that's not even counting the years we were friends before we became an item. Sometimes people who are totally comfortable in each other's company, whether romantically involved or not, can seem so natural that they look like they grew up together. I'm opposed to the idea that this kind of comfort excludes the possibility of romance or means the spark is no longer there or whatever. In fact I think it's genuinely harmful to believe that romance must be perpetually performative and exciting, something I actually discussed in the Zutara posts.
2. Bryke are secret pedophiles who want fourteen-year-old Katara
"you have to realize that the creators aren't really seeing them in terms of compatibility itself, rather what they find to be the most fitting to their own creativity. They see Aang as themselves, and how could they not? It's their right. It Is their show, therefore their vision. It's brilliant, really."
How I have not missed you, old Zutara canard. *barfs forever*
1. My ship is based on events that never happened
"When I'd know [sic] Zuko had returned Katara's necklace to Sokka in order for him to give to her in the episode 'The Waterbending Scroll,' I sensed an instant spark of chemistry right then and there. It sounds absurd, but frankly it was rather sweet to know that he knew how much it meant to her. She was happy about it herself, and throughout the series their interactions continue to hint at something of a deep connection, if you will."
That would be sort of sweet, yes, if it had actually happened. As those who watched and remember the real Avatar: The Last Airbender will recall, however, in truth Zuko never returned Katara's necklace in "The Waterbending Scroll." In fact he used it once again in "Bato of the Water Tribe" to stalk and kidnap Katara and Sokka, and Aang took it from him while kicking Zuko's ass. It was Aang who returned the necklace to Katara, not Zuko. The anon's assertion seems to be part of a tendency of Zutarans to sanitize pre-"Day of Black Sun" Zuko, but it's unusual in that it's a baldly inaccurate factual claim.
I'm also not sure what the anon is going on about when they say "Zuko gave [Katara] nerve and bravery" or that "she just grabbed ahold of it and returned to him what was brought: instincts to follow, light." I'm pretty sure Katara didn't need Zuko to make her brave and that she wasn't a significant factor in his decision to turn away from his father's ways. Not in the canon show, anyway. It's a workable premise for a fanfic, but again it's not what was portrayed as happening in the actual show. I support the anon's right to ship whomever they like for whatever reason. The reasons for that ship become baffling, though, when they seem to be based on misremembered canon and/or fanfic.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/68638.html
- Current Mood: bitchy
Nevertheless, when my visiting mother-in-law wanted us to watch The Abominable Bride special I went along with it. Well actually I was like, "Wait, how about Suffragette?" at the last minute but my husband had paid the VOD system by then, so The Abominable Bride it was. Besides, it turned out that our subscription doesn't carry Sufragette anyway.
( Spoilers for The Abominable BrideCollapse )
The Abominable Bride left me fairly confirmed in my opinions. (Which is what experience usually does to opinions anyway.) Sherlock is a slick, smart show that draws a lot of drama from the relationships between its well-defined principal characters. It doesn't go much deeper than that, though. This holiday special, like the show itself, doesn't have much in the way of self-awareness or moral authority, and that in a nutshell is why Sherlock doesn't interest me.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/68394.html
- Current Mood: blah
The critical brain, however, is not so easily turned off in geeks and ended up making everything gloriously funny. I don't even know where to start. There's the hilariously implausible idea that a branch of the Han military were basically UN Peacekeepers dedicated to keeping the peace on the Silk Road without hurting anyone. (Jackie Chan beating up both sides of a fight to break it up totally counts as hurting in my book, though.) There were the unnecessarily drawn-out fight scenes. There were the huge leaps in the story that left the audience scrambling to fill in the gaps. There were crowds of men screaming in slow-motion about every half hour like they won the Superbowl, while emotional music swelled in the background trying to manipulate the audience into joining in the undeserved emotional moment. It was Hollywood's Greatest Hits put together without any structure or design, making for one of those incoherent movies where you're left wondering at the end what the hell it was all about.
( In which I proceed to spoil the entire movieCollapse )
Okay, so not everything was funny and some things were just rage-making and the whole thing sucked. Still, there were some spectatular battles and fight choreography as advertised, and plenty of unintentional comedy to laugh at. The production values were high and would have worked in a better put-together movie. This possible glimpse into the future of Chinese blockbusters--the movie did fairly well in China--is both instructuve and disturbing because, as I said, Dragon Blade learned some of Hollywood's lessons very well. The disturbing part is that the lessons don't stop at overdone CGI effects and manipulative swelling music.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/67880.html
- Current Mood: amused
In reponse to a thread going around on Tumblr about young girls being told to cover up, this atheist was actually moved to spouting Bible verses. This interpretation was in a book my mom had about a feminist reading of the Bible, though I have, let's say, spiced it up a little.
"But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5:28-29)
Here Jesus is saying, basically, no, fuck that and fuck you. You've committed adultery and you're the pervert if you've looked on somebody with as an object for your sexual gratification. And no, that's not the same thing as feeling an attraction, I'm talking about what you're doing with that attraction--as something they're doing to you, making it their fault and giving yourself license to treat them as dirty and wrong.
What's that, you have no control over where you look? You have no control over your thoughts and actions? Why then, you're saying your eye is damning you to hell because no, you do not get an exemption from basic personal responsibility by virtue of owning a dick and if your eye does something, news flash, that's you.
Do not give me this nonsense about having no control over yoursef. Take some responsibility and grow the hell up.
This is anti-purity culture, anti-dress code, anti-slut shaming, anti-body policing rhetoric. Each person takes responsibility for their own thoughts and actions, and no one gets to use the whiny excuse that another person made them act inappropriately just by existing.
Jesus fucking Christ, people, it's been 2,000 years. Let's get our act together.
Dreamwidth entry URL: http://ljlee.dreamwidth.org/67511.html
- Current Mood: irate